This post has been excerpted from my apologetics Bible study, “Why Do You Believe That? A Faith Conversation,” LifeWay Christian Resources, 2012.
Though I’d like to start this week by saying that I’ve completely changed how I engage with people in listening, I cannot. The truth is that I’m not the best listener. I tend to break in while other people are talking. I often take what a person has said and relate it back to something about me. Worse yet, sometimes I don’t actually hear a person because I’m thinking of what to say next.
How well do you listen to others? Rate yourself between 1 and 5 with 5 being the best listener and 1 being a poor listener:
Now apply the same criteria to a situation in which someone is questioning your belief in God. Rate your listening skills.
Did your number change? Why or why not?
It may seem odd to include lessons on listening in a study on apologetics. But as we grow in knowledge of our beliefs, the temptation may also grow to “give” others at least some morsel of our knowledge every time we’re with people. Even after years of ministry, I must remind myself of the Bible tells me about listening.
Read James 1:19-20
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
We are to be quick to:
We are to be slow to:
We are also to be slow to:
Why does James say we need to do these things?
Though this passage may seem like one of those good ol’ phrases of which we are super-familiar, the point James is making is where I see would-be defenders of the faith break down. They do not listen to the argument against their position. They speak too quickly and they let their emotions take over. As James says, these actions never produce the righteousness of God.
Listening is such an important aspect of our faith that it could be called a “ministry” or service of the Christian faith. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, brilliant Christian thinker and an outspoken opponent of the Nazi regime in Germany, described listening as the “first service” one owes to another. “So often Christians, especially preachers, think that their only service is always to have to ‘offer’ something when they are together with other people. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people seek a sympathetic ear and do not find it among the Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening.”[1]
A few years ago, my husband and I attended the Greer-Heard Forum at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Part of the forum included paper presentations by some of the leading Christian scholars in the country. Following a paper presented by physicist Frank Tipler, an atheist audience member attempted to express his concern with a concept in the presentation. Immediately several young seminary students began to answer his initial thoughts before allowing him to finish. He quickly became agitated. When an opportunity presented itself to interrupt, I asked the gentleman, “What are you trying to say that you can’t seem to get out? We won’t interrupt you anymore.” Once he said his whole thought, his temper had noticeably changed.
Remember that Jesus is not just concerned with making a right argument; he is also concerned with the person. True concern, or love, for the person will involve discovering truth together, but it will not do so in a manner that is rude and belligerent.
Listening to others is part of loving them. The reason we want to share our belief in God with others is out of love for them. We want others to discover the truth we have discovered in God. However, we must be patient with them, realizing God is the one who does the work; in His time, not ours. If you do not love others, it will become obvious through your attitude and actions. Let’s take a few moments to allow God to search your heart.
Evaluate yourself on two parts of this question: Do I really love other people?
- How does the way I share my faith show I love people?
- How does my willingness to listen show I love people?
[1] Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Life Together. (New York: HarperCollins, 1978), 98. Bonhoeffer uses the term “ministry of listening” on page 99 of the same work.